The holiday travel crush is almost upon us.
Want to give a special gift to a stranger?
Spread some holiday cheer by not doing any of the things on this list while flying.
Polling at least a
crowded plane toilet's worth of travel writers and other too-frequent
fliers, we've conducted an unofficial survey of the most rude and
irritating things you ... sorry, other people, do on planes.
Starting from the least
frequently cited annoyance and ending with the humdinger of all
irritants, here are the 20 most atrocious kinds of behavior we inflict
upon each another at altitude.
The list could clearly be endless: let loose your own bugbears in the comments.
20. Abusing someone else's possessions in overhead bin
You arrived at the gate
on time, boarded in orderly fashion and used your allotted overhead bin
space for your nicely folded coat and new fedora.
Then Late Lummox arrives
with a suitcase, stroller and shopping bag and mangles your dapper wear
beyond recognition while shoving half his life possessions into a
compartment meant for one personal item.
Then proceeds to sit twelve rows away.
"Look, I'll choose the movie for you."
19. Taking ages to choose a movie
Airplane movies: opiate of the flying masses.
Except when your neighbor takes 30 minutes deciding between "Grown Ups 2" or something a little less cerebral.
An interesting variation
observed by travel writer Tom Jordan: when someone within eyesight is
watching the same movie as you but a few scenes ahead -- spoiling it for
you frame by frame.
18. Compulsive leg-shaking
Not often encountered but nonetheless trying at 30,000 feet.
This one was actually
raised by a leg-shaking travel author himself, who notes that, once, the
woman next to him leaned over and placed a firm hand on his knee -- a
unmistakable signal to still the hyperactive leg.
"I can only imagine the
prolonged psychological drama that finally led to such an aggressive
request," the tremulous author writes.
17. Boarding before group number is called
Most airlines have a system for getting hundreds of passengers aboard in the least amount of time.
That's why we schlep onto a plane as part of Group A or B or 1 or 4.
Granted, rubbing shoulders with the dirties in boarding group Y is like being stuck in the back row for a concert at Wembley.
And we're all familiar
with the anxiety that comes with watching the multitudes board and
snatching up all that overhead bin space.
And if airlines hadn't
started with the checked baggage fees, getting on early wouldn't be so
critical to one's emotional well being.
But just because you drew the short straw on this one doesn't give you the right to pretend to be dyslexic.
16. Babies crying
Is the human race worth perpetuating?
You often think not when exposed on a flight to incessant infantile bawling.
Kid-free zones top the surveys of many airplane wish lists.
Are we really blaming babies for doing what babies do naturally?
Sure, as long as they're your kids, and not ours.
Weak bladder as moral failing.
15. Getting huffy when a neighbor leaves their seat
"I'd learn some bladder control if I was in the window seat," these smug aisle sitters think to themselves virtuously.
On the other hand, constant restroom visits are annoying.
Airplane toilet breaks? Nobody wins.
14. Yapping on cell phone
"Hey, we just landed.
... can you hear me? ... we just landed ... I'm on the runway ... can
you hear me now? ... We just landed ... "
13. Scarfing smelly food
We get it -- airlines have cut back on food service, forcing us all to bring our own snacks and meals onboard.
But did you really have to clean out the back of your refrigerator and bring it on the flight?
"You're going to Miami, too? Fascinating!"
12. Loud talking
If Internet dating doesn't really work, is random plane jawing going to? We're trying to read.
11. Establishing armrest hegemony
The weapon here is the elbow -- and the lesson?
That nowhere do we regress to selfish, war-like invasion of territory more speedily than on a plane.
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10. Poaching the empty middle seat
God be praised, the middle seat is empty!
Until the selfish boor
next to you lays claim to the no man's land of the middle seat with a
book, coat or inflatable neck support.
Space is at a premium on these buses with wings, as Ryanair boss Michael O'Leary described aircraft: share it when you can.
Sharing is good -- just not exotic germs.
9. Coughing, sneezing, germ sharing
"Boundaries" are what these last few points are really about.
And in no way are
boundaries more violently shattered than when someone shares their spit
globules or spends 20 minutes horking up the carrier agents of a
virulent new illness picked up on vacation.
8. Playing games without turning sound off
Funny how some of the most irritating things on the planet can be called "games."
No, you're right
It really isn't funny.
Unless being a bystander to "bleep, bloop, blorp" keeps you entertained for two hours.
7. Rolling huge suitcases up aisle
"There's always at least
one culprit on each flight with a bag that's way too big to be carry-on
trying to prove to everyone that's it's not," reads a News.com.au article.
"Supermarket-sized duty free shopping hauls" are another related bugbear from travel journalist Tom Jordan.
The queue was invented for a reason.
6. People behind you trying to disembark first
What is it about flying that induces such primitive behavior?
Here we've regressed to the time before the invention of the queue.
5. Neglecting personal hygiene
"I once sat on a
seven-hour New York-London flight next to the smelliest man in the
universe," writes travel scribe Sandra Lawrence.
"The concept of soap and water seemed never to have occurred to him.
"The plane was fully booked. There was no way out."
Air crew carry deodorant on board for this very reason. But they shouldn't have to.
Carrying out personal hygiene routines while aloft -- cutting your fingernails, say -- is just as bad.
4. Bare feet
"Feet nudism" was a common complaint in our unofficial survey.
"Flights are the perfect time to air these puppies out," snarls the Huffington Post sarcastically.
Appalling side note: people who actually go to the bathroom on the airplane in their bare feet.
Foot-related side note:
several survey respondents nominated aisle sitters who stubbornly park
their feet, legs and other body parts in the aisle for rude traveler
honorable mention.
3. Hogging the toilet
What are they doing in there, you wonder as you hover cross-legged by the door.
Certainly not being considerate of other people.
2. Reclining the seat
Curious how a sanctioned
behavior -- pressing the seat recline button, thus pinioning the person
behind with their own tray table -- should raise so many people's ire.
"It's such selfish behavior," sighs world-weary traveler Mary Novakovich.
De-design these babies, airplane engineers!
Punitive action against a seat kicker.
1. Kicking/bumping/shoving the seat back
Here's the most toxic irritant by a country mile.
Designed to save on fuel, airplane seats are incredibly light -- meaning they transmit the slightest touch.
Or amplify it: to the
poor schlub in front, your constant fidgeting with your tray table and
seat pocket feels like a kung fu world champion working out.
Are we there yet?
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