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Grandparents’
approaches to gifting tend to fall under various ends of the spectrum:
Your mom, for example, may be the type to seek out the quaintest of
hard-bound copies of “Moby Dick” for your avid reader, while your
mother-in-law might tend toward the extravagant — like, say, a seven-day
all-expenses-paid Disney Cruise for the entire family.
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“Grandparents
can be a great blessing or a thorn in the side of many families,
especially when a little financial competition gets underway during the
holidays,” Ruth Nemzoff, author of “Don’t Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with Adult Children,”
tells Yahoo Parenting. So what’s a parent to do if one set of
grandparents seems intent on one-upping the other? Behold five ways to
(gently) rein in your parents and in-laws:
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Root out why Grandma is in gift overdrive. Instead
of getting upset about the piles of presents arriving at your house,
try to understand where your parents or in-laws are coming from, says Debbie Pincus, a parent and marriage coach and creator of The Calm Parent.
“Take a look at the fact that perhaps one set of grandparents may feel
less included than the other,” she tells Yahoo Parenting. “If that’s the
case, address this. See if you can come up with ways that they can feel
more involved with your kids in the New Year.”
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Make sure you check in with your spouse — and handle it — if your
parents are the excessive gifters. “You don’t want to let this fester,”
Pincus says. “You want to make both sets of grandparents to feel
respected, honored, and wanted, but if their gift giving has become too
over-the-top, it’s up to you to talk to your parents, not your spouse.”
Understand their intentions. It
may seem unfamiliar to you if you weren’t raised this way, but your
in-laws may just be accustomed to using gifts as a way to demonstrate
their love, says Jessica Jessup, co-founder of Giftovus,
a gift-idea website. “For some people, giving extravagant gifts is the
way that makes them feel comfortable expressing their love,” she tells Yahoo Parenting.
Redefine gifting this year. It’s not too late to steer your parents (or in-laws) away from wrapped packages altogether. “Instead, urge them to offer your kids some sort of memorable experience,” Nemzoff suggests. “This can take the form of a day at a museum or, if they live far away, they can send your kids theater tickets. Afterwards, plan to have your kids Skype with their grandparents and tell them all about it.”
Redefine gifting this year. It’s not too late to steer your parents (or in-laws) away from wrapped packages altogether. “Instead, urge them to offer your kids some sort of memorable experience,” Nemzoff suggests. “This can take the form of a day at a museum or, if they live far away, they can send your kids theater tickets. Afterwards, plan to have your kids Skype with their grandparents and tell them all about it.”
Lay down the law.
If after all this, the grandparents still insist on sending gifts, urge
both sets to keep gifts under $15. “There’s no end to the creativity
they might show,” Jessup says. “Deep down, they may even appreciate the
fact that you’ve set boundaries for them.”
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